A Burden Too Big to Bear
God spoke something very surprising one day while I was praying in the sanctuary. I had been a lead pastor for only a couple years at this point. While pacing back and forth, I heard the Lord say, “There are some emotions you are not allowed to have.” That’s interesting, I thought. Then why do I have such emotions if I am not supposed to have them? I waited, knowing the Lord would explain His statement and trusting that if He wanted to take an emotion away there was a valid reason.
In His omniscience, He read my thoughts. “For example,” He said, “Vengeance is Mine. Vengeance is a burden too big to bear, an emotion too powerful, and a responsibility too great for even the most seasoned and righteous of men to carry. Some things belong only to God.” Then He reminded me of Romans 12:19 (NKJV): “‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.”
I didn’t know why the Lord was asking me to give Him the right to vengeance and all the additional emotions that went with it, and I certainly didn’t know why He was asking me at that time. Despite not knowing the why or when, I surrendered all of my rights to avenge myself or be vindictive. I felt a sense of relief in understanding where my responsibility ends and God’s responsibility begins. Only God is strong enough to execute vengeance perfectly.
During the ensuing month, multiple situations emerged from the darkness revealing impure motives among people of influence within our church. In some instances, there was outright rebellion against my pastoral authority and leadership. I had never been in this type of situation before. Let me be clear: I had experienced tension, hurt, misunderstandings, and even betrayal, but it had never happened to me as a lead pastor.
Why was this different? Because as a lead pastor, I actually had the power to do something. I had authority to make a ruling that would change the lives of the people who were acting out. In the past, I had deferred to those in authority, trusting them to discern and act. Now it was my turn, and God was way ahead of me!
Because I had already prayed those prayers, I didn’t have emotions I could have had. Instead, I had great peace and did my best to love, forgive, and be restorative. God took care of it as only He can. The church never felt it. My team carried on, and the Lord helped me overcome myself.
Okay, friend. How about you? Are you ready to give up all those destructive emotions of hate, revenge, and bitterness? You were not designed to carry such heavy emotions. Give them to God and move on to better things. You only have so much life to live. Stop trying to be God and carry burdens too heavy to bear. You and I are not very good at being God. Choose rather to live in abundance and gratitude, knowing God is very good at math. Let God be God so you can walk in peace.
© 2025 Jason Sciscoe